Toxic love

Hey guys,

In my last article I talked about your personal identity in a couple that you can easily lose when you are in a toxic relationship. We all hear the phrase of a toxic relationship, everyone wants to avoid it, everyone knows the theory .. but what really happens in such a relationship and how do we get involved in it from the beginning?

We are not stupid, we do not fall in love with anyone just because he threw us a playful smile ,because he looked at us with the eyes of the deer, or because he said some sweet stuff to us. We fell in love with facts, actions, and his behavior towards us  and this road is paved with good intentions, which will eventually absorb us from all the energy and love we want to offer.

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At the beginning of the relationship, we saw only the good parts, the qualities of him, the way he makes us feel, and we do not realize how slowly it starts to change,  to manipulate us.

In a toxic relationship the fear that you will lose the other will always be present, because whenever it is possible, your partner will remind you that „if you do not change, we will break up”.

I have been in such a relationship for two  years (officially). Why do I say officially? Because after those  two years we continued to see each other, to talk, but we were not together.

That relationship has changed me from the beginning. Because I did not realize why but I was rolling around him, everything in my life was about him  and he made me think I’m not good enough to be with him, as he just stays with me until he finds another replacement better than me.

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I began to be jealous and suspicious at every step, and then he told me it was my fault, that we were fighting because of me, that I was reacting like that. But he did not see that it was just the effect of his actions.  I reached the point where I questioned the ability to ever get what I want, without him to be with me. I was less and less confident in myself.

  I wanted so much to see if I could do it myself without being under his influence, but I could not resist without talking to him. I remember that when we separated, I counted the hours I did not talk to him and I tried to persuade myself to resist 24 hours without talking to him. Sometimes I was able to resist for 48 hours. During the time we were separated I felt free, I was another person but then we went back to the usual stuff and got my drug.

In our usual breaks, I tried and sometimes managed to change, to become that „better person” that he wanted. The problem was that I just simulated those changes, just wanting to bring him back to my life.

After my final break, I started to take care of myself, my goals, my future. It was hard and I needed 2 years of recovery after that relationship, to figure out who I really want to be, what I want to keep from those changes that I suppose I did and how to adapt them to my personality. I’ve changed, I’ve become a  better version of myself, I have understood many things about myself, about him, about us, but this time I did for myself, on my own initiative, without being afraid of losing someone.

In a toxic relationship, the partner sees in you only what he/she can change, unleashes all your weaknesses and strikes with you repeatedly. You tell yourself that it is the moment, that every break is for the moment, that it will pass.

Why are you doing this?

Because reconciliation is sweet, because you love him/her  more after every argument, because you become dependent on it without realizing it.Yes, it sounds ugly,but it’s true. You are dependent on it, your quarrels, your reconciliation, everything. You are in a parallel universe with everyone who tells you that you are poisonous to the other, that you are doing more harm to each other, that love does not hurt so much. But you do not want to listen, you do not care.

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After you succeed to get out of this vicious circle, you need around you people who see you as you are, who know how to bring out the qualities, and who tell you when you are wrong, in a firm way so that you  do not feel like they will abandon you because of your mistakes or your faults.These people can be your family, your friends, your classmates. anybody.

Do not believe that if you were in a toxic relationship that is over, you will not miss your old partner,because you will miss him. You still have feelings for him, it will still be part of you. an experience. You have to give yourself time, to forgive yourself, to understand yourself, and maybe to forgive him too.

So take all your time in the world. Analyze your relationship, partner, yourself. Ask yourself if this is what you want, if you are happy, if the beautiful moments are much more than the sad moments. If the answer is YES, then you are probably in a healthy relationship, but if your answer is NO, then maybe you should look more closely at your relationship, maybe you will discover things that can help you improve your relationship, or get out of it.

 In any situation where you are now, I want you to know that you do not have to go through this alone. Ask for help, talk to someone you trust. it will make you feel better, you will feel free, you will think more clearly.

If you want to see the good parts of a love relationship, please read these articles and maybe you will find something useful:

First love – the unique and special one

Find your soulmate

More than just one „GREAT LOVE”

Poate tot ce primim sunt doar momente

XOXO, Wazz

Reclame

Identitatea personala in cuplu

Hei dragilor,

Astazi mi-am vizitat una dintre cele mai drage prietene si dintr-o vorba in alta am ajuns sa discutam despre relatii si despre propia identitate intr-o relatie si asa a luat nastere articolul de astazi.

Din punctul meu de vedere, o relatie este mediul cel mai favorabil in care inveti sa te pui in valoare, sa-ti afirmi propia identitate avand langa tine  omul care te vede mai bine decat o poti face tu.  Dar de cele mai multe ori nu se intampla asa. De ce? Pentru ca ajungem sa ne contopim personalitatea noastra cu cea a partenerului nostru atat de bine incat cu greu mai distingem cine cu ce a contribuit la acea relatie.

Nu de putine ori se intampla sa ne estompam propia identitate din dorinta de a ne crea o imagine cat mai perfecta in fata partenerului ( care mai e scopul unei relatii daca nu putem fi reali in ea? ) imprumutam obiceiuri, valori si chiar comportamentul  partenerului sperand ca in acest fel relatia va fi mai longeviva si mai unita, pentru ca „cine se asemana se aduna”.  Dar nu facem decat sa-l ingradim din punct de vedere evolutiv pe cel de langa noi, pentru ca alegem sa nu aducem nimic nou in relatia. Astfel plictiseala si rutina nu vor intarzia sa apara.

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Hai sa ne imaginam ca fiecare persoana are o casuta a sa, pe care o mobileaza, o utileaza dupa bunul plac. Mobila si fiecare lucru marunt din acea casuta de la tingla de pe acoperis ( de preferat sa o ai pe toata) pana la cele mai mici detalii din fiecare camera reprezinta valorile, deprinderile, atitudine, aptiduinile, caracterul,  calitatile si bineinteles micile defecte pe care acea persoana le are, pe care si le-a format cu timpul, care o reprezinta in totalitate  si cu care poate contribui la formarea unei relatii.

In momentul in care intalnesti o persoana care la randul ei si-a construit casuta idiala, amandoi va aflati in fata unei alegeri:  fie iti parasesti casuta ta si te muti in casuta partenerului, fie il convingi pe partener sa vina la tine, fie va constuiti o alta casuta impreuna. Totul tine doar ce voi.

Dar ce se intampla de fapt in fiecare dintre cazurile respective?

  • Cazul 1- iti  parasesti casuta si te muti in casuta partenerului.

In momentul in care decizi sa faci acest lucru, iti asumi faptul ca renunti  la  tot ceea ce te defineste pe tine ca persoana : la obiceiuri, la lucruri marunte ce iti aduc fericirea, la valori pe care tu le consideri corecte si importante, la modul tau de gandire. Iti schimbi complet identitatea si o „imprumuti” pe cea a partenerului tau, crezand ca acela este cel mai bun si cel mai corect. Doar te-ai indragostit de el, nu?

Si poate pentru un timp o sa functioneze, dar o sa inceapa sa iti lipseasca acele lucruri marunte care te defineau, cei apropiati o sa observe ca te-ai schimbat, ca semeni  din ce in ce mult cu partenerul tau, ca ati devenit dintr-o data ca doua picaturi de apa. Si atunci o sa inceapa marea ruptara, iar in momentul in care se va produce despartirea vei realiza ca trebuie sa pleci din casuta partenerului, pentru ca nu este a ta si nu te reprezinta. Incepi sa te gandesti la casuta ta veche,a trecut mult timp de cand nu te-ai mai gandit la ea, poate inca te poti intoarce acolo..dar nici ea nu te mai reprezinta. Ce-ti ramane de facut? Sa o iei de la capat si sa-ti construiesti alta noua, dar asta o sa dureze, iar sufletul tau ar fi avut nevoie acum de un loc al lui in care sa se refaca, nu?

  •  Cazul 2 – il convingi pe partener sa se mute la tine

Ideal! Tu nu trebuie sa faci mai nimic. Bine, poate doar putin spatiu prin casa, ca o sa va inmultiti, dar doar atat. Esti nerabdatoare sa vezi cu ce bagaj va veni partenerul tau. Si ca sa vezi, vine cu mana goala, pentru ca trebuit sa-si parareasca casuta. Esti putin dezamagit. Dar te gandesti ca totusi nu e o problema prea mare pentru ca ceea ce ai investit tu in casuta e deasjuns pentru amandoi si o sa va descurcati. Asa ca incepi sa imparti cu partenerul tau totul: idei, mod de gandire, valori,  conceptii, atitudini, idealuri, vise si visuri, calitati si defecte.

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La un moment dat te uiti la el, te uiti la tine si nu vezi vreo diferenta. Si te intrebi cum oare s-a ajuns aici, pentru ca tu nu ai observat, fiind prea ocupata sa aduci mai multe lucruri in casuta. Usor, usor constati ca nu mai e aceeasi persoana de care te-ai indragostit, ca era altfel la inceput, ca a devenit dependet de tine, ca te venereaza. Nu-ti place. De fapt nu-ti mai place. La inceput te simteai bine, iubita, apreciata. Dar au trecut. A devenit rutina. Il vrei inapoi pe cel de care te-ai indragostit. Ii spui asta si lui, dar el nu mai stie cine a fost inainte de tine.Ti-ai pus amprenta atat de mult in viata lui, incat vechea lui identitate s-a estompat in timp. Te indepartezi..si in final alegi sa pleci, sperand ca vei gasi ceva mai bun.

 

  • Cazul 3- va construiti propia voastra casuta

Varianta cea mai benefica si cea mai rar intalnita, din pacate. Amandoi aveti casute frumoase utilate, mobilate, si pe care nu suneti dispusi sa le parasiti pentru ca este tot ceea ce aveti. Sunteti constienti ca o relatie se poate si termina si ati vrea sa va scutiti de chinul de a o construi din nou de la 0. Asa ca decideti sa construiti una noua. Dar cum? O luam de la 0? Mutam mobila dintr-o casa in alta pana ne convine?

 A nu, gata stiu. Mi-a venit o idee. Hai sa construin un hol intre cele doua casute, iar la mijlocul holului sa construim o casuta a noastra. Astfel vom avea locul nostru, pe care il vom amenaja asa cum ne place noua, cum ne simtim noi mai confortabil, iar fiecare va contribui cu ce crede el ca este mai bun si mai bine si in acelasi timp vom putea comunica oricand cu vechea noastra casuta.

In cel de-al treilea caz, fiecare isi pastreaza propia identitate dinaintea relatiei, iar relatia are propia ei identitate, de sine statatoare, indepenta si cu 2 colacatari fericiti. Astfel in  relatie vor exista 3 identitati: eu, tu si noi. 13383842-abstrakte-skizze-von-küssenden-paar-vektor-illustrationIn momentul in care vor aparea anumite divergente intre voi, ficare este liber si are posibiltatea sa se retraga in casuta lui vechea, sa relfecteze asupra relatiei si sa vina inapoi incarcat cu idei noi, solutii si planuri. Astfel relatia voastra va fi una dimanica, diversificata si matura.

Sa-ti construiesti propia casuta este destul de complicat, trebuie sa te cunosti pe tine, sa stii ce-ti place, ce valori ai, dupa ce principii de ghidezi in viata, cine esti acum si cine vrei sa devii. Toate aceste lucruri necesita sa investesti in tine timp si rabdare. Uneori este nevoie sa treci prin toate cele 3 cazuri, si sa o iei de la inceput de multe ori cu casuta ta ca sa-ti dai seama cum vrei sa arate la final.

Iti multumesc pentru rabdare si pentru ca ai ramas cu mine pana aici.

See you soon.

XOXO, Wazz.

Boy wonderlove and his magic

*100 years from now*

First article about BOY WONDERLOVE appeared today in the local newspaper. For those who don’t know who BOY WONDERLOVE is, please check the article below” this was written on the flyers that were distributed throughout the city.

„The BOY WONDERLOVE appeared from nowhere, nobody seems to know who their parents are, where is his home. All they know and say about him is that when they get around him they feel how love radiates them through all the pores, compassion takes the place of hatred and envy, and the desire to do good is born in their souls. The students of a local high school were so „affected” by the boy’s magic aura that they started a series of volunteer activities to help the city’s inhabitants: they have gathered money in a Christmas-themed cake shop, which they later donated to an orphanage, they have made a flashmob in the center to inform citizens about the status of old people with a poor financial situation in nearby neighborhoods, they have organized a tight garbage competition on the street to mobilize a larger number of people and help employees from sanitation, and many other good deeds.”

This is the article on the local newspaper, but what people didn’t seem to know is that the BOY WONDERLOVE watched every deed they were doing, and he was charged with even more love and compassion, then he was sending it back to the people he met.

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In just a few weeks the boy became a phenomenon, and everyone wanted to meet him in order to do a good deed too, then go back to the boy and return the love and compassion he showed them from the beginning. In a few years the city experienced an improvement in the living of the inhabitants of all neighborhoods, no child was abandoned anymore (after the first year from the boy’s appearance all the things that could be repaired were finished, so people started adopting one child in the children’s home to get another portion of love and compassion that they became addicted to), no elderly had an unfavorable situation, the city had become visibly more beautiful, the economy grew because the city was slowly getting more and more targeted by winning the title for the most united community.

Seeing this, BOY WONDERLOVE, decided it was time to talk for the first time, and what he told people was shocking:

„My dear people, what you have experienced in these last years is unconditional love, compassion, and the spirit of the community. But that’s what you already know, is not it? But what you do not know is that I have seen what was inside of you and brought it to light. You were all good before I came into your lives, but you were afraid of the opinions of those around you, of prejudices, of being judged for showing your true faces, so I gave you a reason : to attract my attention through your deeds, to make me happy and proud. And I am. But there is no magic, no superpower, I’m just a little boy. All I did was to love you unconditionally, and now the light of your souls is in every one of the people you helped. You have no idea how much I’m glad you accepted my love and gave it to others. It does not matter what your intentions were, to attract my attention or to receive another portion of love (which would have come anyway because it was unconditional), it is important that you have proved to me and those around you that only with love the world can be saved. You have shown an entire nation that „to love your neighbor more than you love yourself” is not just a phrase in a holy book but a way of living that fulfills you the most.”

All people were surprised by the boy’s speech and began to cry. They received a life lesson from a little boy. That was the moment when they understood the limitations we submit to ourselves when we value the opinions of those around us more than our own feelings. Many have said they have long wanted to help more, adopt a child, but they were afraid of those around them.

Conclusion: Each of us has a light in the soul that can light the dreams and light paths to success if we know how to feed it. We can feed that light only with love, compassion, understanding, patience, trust and many hugs. The unconditional love offered to those around us, humans, animals, and every living thing will return to us and will make our soul a magical place. There is no magic thing that make it happen, we are the magic.

PS: Hey guys, this is sort story about unconditional love that each of us can offer. Each of us wants to receive wonderful things from life, have good karma, be rewarded, but to get all these things we have to invest. Is like in business: you can not expect profit if you do not invest first, right? It’s hard at first, I’m experiencing this on my own. But no one asks us to do huge things (to adopt a child, for example, this can be difficult if you are still a child) but small things made repeatedly will make a difference. You do not have to start with the community where you live, but you can start with your family, with your classmates, with the students at your school, with your closest friends. If you manage to give them your unconditional love ( by doing simple things like: clean the house more often [this will please your parents], taking care of an animal, opening a door when needed, wiping flowers, give more hugs, help your classmates to do their homework and others) then you will see small results and you will be motivated to accept bigger challenges. Little things make the difference.

Here you have some other articles about love and his greatness:

The love of your lifeFirst love – the unique and special one

The love of your life

TO MY FUTURE BOYFRIEND

Find your soulmate

See you soon,

XOXO, Wazz

Attract everything you want

Hey guys,

Recently my best friend pumped my head with all this things about law of attraction and how it affects your life.

You don’t know what law of attractions is? Oh. Let me tell you.
The law of attractions is the ability to attract in your life whatever you’re focusing on. Basically that means that all your thought become reality if you’re focusing on them. Yep. I was surprise too. But it works.

But if you want to convince yourself watch „The secret”.

Here is the link of the movie:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3isjlvccc0 so you won’t have an excuse.

I tried several times, but i can remember just 2 moments when it really worked out the way i wanted. Both of them were about my future career. I was interested in the law of attraction in love life, as attracting someone in your life, maybe someone new or someone you already knew. Anyway, i kept asking myself if it’s working, but I found myself in trouble because…i’m afraid of being happy so my thoughts weren’t really true and focused.

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It’s paradoxal, i know. I want to be happy but i’m afraid of being happy. Sounds crazy. I don’t remember being really and fully happy in a relationship ( not even in those in which i put my whole soul), and it’s been so  long since i’ve been in love that I don’t even remember how it feels. So I have trouble in knowing how to act, to speak in a relationship. SO I AVOID IT ( Even if i crave it). I’m complicated, so please don’t be so judgy.

My best friend told me to dream often, and even if the real life hit me sometimes I should keep on dreaming over and over again. It sounds crazy and unrealistic, but she’s right. I know that if i  manage to put my thoughts in order, to find out the exact thing/person i want to attract and if i’ll start to dream my life, without any negative thoughts or doubts or fear or guilt and if i could stay on that road more than a week THEN i’ll see the results.

The theory is ok, I’ve kinda knew it, but what about practice? Sometimes the practice is what makes us give up our dreams and hopes. I don’t like to  give up..but the lack of confidence, the anxiety are making me think that maybe is much easier to give up then fight against my thoughts and habits. And guess what? It is. But it’s not better that way.

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I realize that I want love in my life, but when it comes to me I push it away. Why? Because i’m scared of it. Whaat?! How can I push away the only thing I chase for? That’s stupid. I know. But, I don’t always accept the love I receive from others, so my love tank is empty most of the time. I can’t share love if my love tank is empty and when these have an opportunity to fill up I run away from it. You see this is a vicious circle. Yeah. I want to break it. Now!

So I decided, that starting today I’ll apply the law of attraction. And because I want to stay on this road more than a week I promise you I’ll post an article about my journey and how it affected my life.

THINGS I’LL DO:

I’ll take my notebook and write in it a sentence ( „I have love in life and I accept it”). I write it for 30-50 times/day, everyday. I’ll take 10 minutes to clear my head, find a quite place and write this sentence. While i’m writing I’ll smile and feel how my heart is filling up with love.

• I’ll dream my dream life. I always wanted to visit Paris, so I’ll dream about my perfect boyfriend and our perfect trip in Paris ( + our games like those Blair and Chuck do). [PS. Who’s watching Gossip Girl? I love it]

• Talk about my wish only at present tense, and without using the word „no”.

• I’ll act like I already had that thing/ person in my life. For example if i had my love tank full i’ll be delighted to spend time with a couple, because i’ll only see the love. ( In this moment, as I’m writing this, i hate being around couples).

If you want to attract a specific person in your life you can change the sentence with one that sounds like this „ I want x or someone better”. Always put that „someone better” there. Because, if you could have something better than the present? If out there is someone else better then that x? You’ll want to meet him/her, don’t you?

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Another thing: with the law of attraction you can attract everything: money, health, friends, the love of your life, a house, a pet. Anything. You can adapt it to your needs and desires.

So, If you want, join me. Take a notebook, find a quite place, pick a sentence that mean a lot to you, imagine your dream life, forget the word „no”, talk only at present tense, and let’s do this for 1 month. Do you want? I do! ( you say it too)

PS: I really want to thank my best friend because she inspired me to write this and because she pushed me to start this experiment ( again) and hope that in one month i’ll write the journey review with my perfect boyfriend by my side.
PS 1: Thank you so much for you patience and because you stayed with me until the end of the article, i know it wasn’t easy. So it means a lot to me!

See you soon.

XOXO, Wazz.

The love of your life

Hey guys,

  Love overcomes everything. If it is true.  And true love is the one that consumes you,  is intense, complicated, and no matter what you do, it will always bring you back. And that’s what I call the „LOVE OF YOUR LIFE”.

  The love of your life will  only come  after the mistake of your life, they say. But I don’t really think that. The love of your life will come only when you’re ready to become the person you should be, when you’re ready for the changes that will bring you at light.

   When do you know you found the love of your life? You’ll know. You’ll  look into his/her eyes and you’ll see every dream of you came true, you’ll see yourself in the way no one has ever made you see yourself, he/she will make you smile and when you’ll be around him/her your heart will beat 100 extra beats per minute, but at the same time, you will feel the calm. It’s a paradox that you’ll only understand when you’ll be in the arms of love.

   When i first saw the love of my live, my heart went crazy, my legs became  so soft that I didn’t know if I could walk anymore,  he stood in front of me with his green eyes, that always  intimidated me and in that moment i knew we were going  to be together.  And we were, for a long time.

  The love of your life will change you will change you so much that you will not remember how you were before you knew him/her, you will only know that now you are better, happier, more fulfilled.  For me, he was the one who motivated me to go to med school, to start building my personality, who made me love dancing ( and actually learn to dance),  who made me a better person ( i was an introverted, shy girl who did not trust her and who was afraid to fight for her dreams. That girl’s gone, thanks to him).

  I didn’t end up with him (although I wanted it secretly), we were somehow so different, and I was another person back then, but even now when I see him my heart runs away, my feet become soften, and those eyes get me intimidated. I think  I’ll never pass this phase.

Story time:

    Last time when I talked to him It was the day I we celebrated one year since we  didn’t talk to each other not even a word. In that day, we run into each other accidentaly, and I don’t know how but I needed help for passing my exam and noone could help me. But he saved me, again. That night I realized that I still need him in my life, even if I have demonstrated many times that I can handle myself.  Was it just a coincidence or a work of the universe?  I’ll never know.

    But what I know it’s that the love of your life is the greatest love you’ll ever have, it’s the boy or the girl who you’ll want to spend the rest of your life ( I know i did, even if now it’s no longer possible), is the person you place on a pedestal, and with whom you will compare any other person who come in your life. And you will have the surprise to know that no one can ever reach as high as he / she, and you will understand that a part of your heart still belongs to him/her.

  If you’re the luckiest person on the planet and you end up with the love of  your life you should be grateful and go right now and say to him how you feel. But if you’re one of us, who lost her/his great love, we should know that you’ll love again. Maybe it will not be consuming, intense, and complicated, but it will be quiet, mature, fulfilling. That love will come in your life in the moment you’ll make peace with your past, your love stories and with the love of your life.

 This article is my way of making peace with the love of my life.  I kept for along time a light in my soul, hoping that one day will bring us together. That light has faded and I was happy where I was. Still i was afraid loving again. Now i’m ready.

   The love of your life should be about growing up with you soul full of love, hope and a lot of good memories and knowing that somewhere in this world it’s person  who meant everything to you.  The love of your life it will be the greatest one, but it will not be the last. This is just the beginning.

If you want to read more about love and relationship check this:

The right person exist and he/she is waiting for you

More than just one „GREAT LOVE”

XOXO, Wazz

First love – the unique and special one

Hey guys.

     Today I’ll like to talk to you about first love.  First love can come at any moment in our lives , sudden and deep, totally unexpected and innocent.  Maybe there is someone in the school with whom you exchanged subtle looks during breaks, or maybe first love finds you at college, when you are older and with the heaviest mind.  However, the first love will be unique, memorable and unforgettable.

Story time:


      My first love came into my life when I was in the 6th grade. He was 2 years older than me.  It started as an innocent game. Actually it started with a funny story. One of his classmates liked me, and asked me to go out and play billiards with him. I told him I was going out with him, but I would not come alone, but accompanied by a friend of mine. So he took a friend with him too and we went out to play billiards together. The only problem was that I started to like his friend … and I kept talking to him, and we realize we had more in common than we thought.

       I remember now that at our  „first official date” he asked me to go out to play with snow (it was winter, February, I think).  I accepted, and that day he timidly kissed me (we was behind the block where I was living).  I was so shy and I did not want anyone to see us how we kissed( so childish). I told my mom after some time, though I think she was suspected this. It was fun because our moms had known  each other for a long time.  

      He is the first boy to whom I said that I love him, and the only one I remember exactly the moment.

„The first time you fall in love, it changes you forever and no matter how hard you try, that feeling just never goes away”

– Nicholas Sparks

       In April I went on a trip with him (it was the first time I went on a trip with a boy, of course with his class). I was with my best childhood friend/ colleague who was in a relationship with my boyfriend’s classmate. It was somehow funny.  I remember all the way to the guesthouse where we stayed, on the bus I sat in his arms and I fell asleep at some point.  We spent some nice days together, but somehow something broke up between us, because after we came back from that trip we broke up.   

       We have not talked with each other for some time, I would not know exactly  to tell you how long. The fact is that I had another relationship in that time, in  which, in the summers, we were breaking apart. In one of those summers I returned to my first love unexpectedly.

        The first summer we spent together was a play of innocent children again. Walks, headed home evening, kisses on the cheek, kisses, hugs, surprises for my birthday. Over the other two years, we have reunited again. That summer (last summer, more precisely) I needed someone next to me, to support me and make me believe in myself (I had final high school exams). He was there and I fell in love with him, again, after more then 5 years away.  

    Unfortunately, he returned to his ex girlfriend, and then he hurt my feelings for the second time. I promised  myself I’ll not going to get in touch with him  never again.  I failed to do that. We spoke occasionally without meeting each other.


“No, this trick won’t work… How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? ” 
― Albert Einstein

   There would still be much to tell, and I could write a whole book of my memories with him. I am grateful for the support that he gave me last summer, for every moment we spent together, for every moment that made me have more confidence in myself. He will always have a special place in my heart.

      But the truth is I still love  him and I’ll always will no matter I am with him or not,  because he was my first, the first one who taught me how it feels when you love someone (even if I was so young).

   First love isn’t always the one in which you try most things, the one you spend the first night of love. The first love is one in which you love innocently, with all your heart, without thinking of failures. The first love is the one you’ll always return to because it gives you the feeling of a safety place, and it feels like home to you.  The first love is the one you will never forget and which will look the most special, no matter how many love stories you will live on.

“I was in love, and the feeling was even more wonderful than I ever imagined it could be.” 
― Nicholas Sparks

   Unfortunately , some of us were meant to loose it, some of us were meant to be with their first love forever.  But we all have it and we all fill our soul of joy when we look back at those times. We should be grateful to the first boy / girl in our lives because they helped us  become who we  really are today.

     You can read more about love and relationships here:

More than just one „GREAT LOVE”

The right person exist and he/she is waiting for you

TO MY FUTURE BOYFRIEND

                   Hey darling, as i’m writing this i am single and waiting for you to enter my life. I’ve been waiting for you for a long time, but I know all this waiting will be worth when I’ll have you in my life.

  When you’ll become one of the most important people for me you will realize that I am in a continuous healing process. I have been a mess now and on for few years I’m trying to heal myself to make you a room between all  my parts.

   Before you jump into my universe  you should know that I will not always be the one you felt in love with. I’ll have moods, i’ll be sad, I’ll cry, I’ll scream sometimes, I’ll have breakdowns when something does not come out as I wish, but you should know that i’ll always stay by your side, no matter what storms we have to face, we will stay together.  I won’t leave you when the times get hard, when the people around you start to leave because you have nothing to offer, when you’re struggling. When the whole world will not be able to see your true worth, I will become the only world you need. BUT darling, before you jump into my universe please:

BECOME MY BEST FRIEND

   I need you to be my best friend, my partener in crime, my „Bonnie and Clyde” because I often gave my heart on the tray to some people who did not appreciate anything I could offer them. I need you to be the first person I call when I have good news but also bad news. The first person to encourage me to try something new, even if my anxiety urges me to stay in my comfort zone.

BE THERE FOR ME EVEN WHEN I’M NOT

  Be there for me when my whole world crashes, when everything I knew became unknown, when everything I loved became unloved,  when everything I was getting into the mist. I will not tell you when I have problems, because I like to think I can handle it myself.  I’ll try to get you away from me, but please,  stay,  show me I need you, show me I’m better when I’m with you. I will love you even after that..

SHOW ME THE REAL YOU

  Beib, I will not run if you tell me your most hidden thoughts, if you do not have a super clean room, if you tell me you hate to watch  series with me, if you like to sleep late, if your ex-crazy girlfriend calls you and tells you she wants you back(let her dares). I want to know all your parts, good and bad, with the mistakes and things you are proud of.

  Darling, i’m not the best at opening my heart, showing the real me, but if I  ever manage to get silly in front of you, to be childish, to laugh at anything, to tell you everything I have in my head without being afraid that you’ll judge me, to tell you when I’m making the biggest mistakes, I assure you, YOU DID A GREAT JOB. You are the best lover that a girl may ever want, and I’m lucky to have you.

   I am not the super hero when it comes to relationships, but with time i realize that knowing the one next to you is really a challenge, but it’s worthwhile fighting, stroking for what you love. 

If you have not yet found your soul mate and want to speed up the process read this article:

The right person exist and he/she is waiting for you

Find your soulmate

Hey guys.

Let’s talk about something that i think everybody needs in their life: the right person!

Did you ever thought about the right person? That person who can make you smile in just a minute? That person who you want to marry with? That person who represents you? Maybe i am a foolish, but i still think that person exist, and the universe will bring it into your life just in the moment you’re ready for receiving love and you’ll be able to saw him/her from 1.000 km away.

But until then, did you ever asked yourself how this person look like? Do you have in your mind ( or maybe write somewhere) the perfect person’s profile? Do you know what are you looking for? Do you what you want from her/him? Do you know what you can give him/her?

If the answer is „yes” then you have all my respect and love, and i hope you’ll find that person faster then you think ( or maybe you found it already), but if your answer is „no” then maybe i can help you.

Let’s think about it: you have to do the perfect person’s profile. So, we have to include in it : the physical appearance, the mentality, the behavior, etc.

For me the right person should be:

– A boy with blue/green eyes, because i have a weakness for this tipe of eyes and i’ll love wake up in the morning and first thing i see is two warm blue eyes.

– A tall boy ( not too tall) because i’ll love hug him and listening his heart beat.

– A boy with soft lips, because i’ll love kissing him in the morning.

– A sensitive boy because i’ll need him to be right there for me when i have weird moods, and i need he to be able to understand my weakness and my sensivity.

– A boy who likes reading books, because i’ll love staying in the bed and read a book with him, and have long conversation about books that we read.

– A boy who love to danse, because i’ll love to danse in the midle of the night with him.

– A boy who apreciate the medition time, because we can meditate together,and get closer and closer.

– A frisky boy, because…he’ll find out why..

– A optimist and open boy because i’ll need him to motivate me to leave my comfort zone and have more confidance.

– A boy who can make friend really fast, because i need to learn this from him.

– A boy who will take care of all the women in his life, not just me.

– A ambitious boy because i need him to motivate me when i lose my way.

What can i give him?

– I can make him feel loved and wanted and i can give him the feeling of home.

– I can make him smile every single day

– I can listen him when he has a problem, and be there for him

– I can motivate him when he needs me to

– I can make him be more confident

– I can make him be more open, not just with me

– I can give him awesome memories

– I can make him trust me

– I can be there in the important moments of his life

– I can learn him to meditate

– I can learn him how to solve a conflict without fight

– I can love him every single day of our relationship

In this moment, i know how he looks like, and i can’t wait to meet him.

I hope this will motivated you to do a list like mine and find out what you want from him/her, and find out what you can offer him/her right now.

It’s ok if this list is changing because, so do you.

I know i’m asking more, but just try it, you’ll feel better and maybe you’ll realise that you already met that person.
See you soon!

XOXO. Wazz.

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